Dumb If You Do! Dumb If You Don't!

Dumb is problematic. There was a time when intelligence was highly sought after. It appears gone are those days. Relationships are difficult. Those who are in relationships and those who seek to have relationships should always be mindful of being unequally yoked. Some men prefer their women to play dumb or to dumb down. Dumb down occurs when someone pretends to be dumb at the bequest of another person. This is a sign of disrespect. This often happens in relationships where men suggest or frankly tell their significant others to dumb down. Once this enters a relationship it is time to seek help. Such a relationship will become toxic especially for the party who has had to lower his or her intellectual capacity. Toxicity in any relationship is unhealthy and oftentimes lead to signs of anxiety and or depression. It is always better to walk away from such situations than to subject yourself to such humiliation and disregard. The idea of marrying down is not that appealing. Human sexuality is ever evolving. The traditional roles of men and women have been blurred. Identity is being interrogated. Many of us go through a period of getting to know ourselves. In fact some of us are still at that phase. For some of us our authentic self is always not at the surface. It is for this reason we should not take people at face value. Many folks wear various masks depending on the situation at hand. Femininity in some quarters has become too masculine. On the other hand, masculinity has some trappings of femininity. Some men are afraid of strong and assertive women. Some women will argue that some men have abandoned their traditional roles. It is this perceived abandonment of roles that have created a vacuum of sorts. This void has been filled by no non-sense women. Nothing is wrong with women who are assertive and are purpose driven. In some cases however, the communication channels become clogged and disagreements are allowed to balloon into global situations. Once a man’s ego is bruised in a relationship there is no going back. Regardless of one’s sex no one wishes to feel lesser than. Let us be frank, some women and men too, will gladly take the dumb down train in what they believe is the only way to save their relationships. However, a relationship that is built on a lack of respect is certainly doomed to failure. Unfortunately, in some relationships there are always instances where one party feels belittled. Manipulation and Control. Manipulation is both calculated and intentional. Manipulation is a form of exploitation. Manipulation is generally considered unethical because it exploits the other person's vulnerability or lack of awareness for the manipulator's benefit. Manipulation is a form of social influence where one person intentionally influences or controls another, often in a deceptive or underhanded manner, to achieve a personal aim. Recipients of manipulation frequently suffer from low self-esteem and confidence. Manipulation can happen in any type of relationship, from the workplace to your family, although it's most common in close relationships. It includes any attempt to sway your emotions to try to get you to act or feel a certain way. Guilt is an emotion that many people easily feel. Manipulators prey on this sensitivity. They know that making you feel bad makes them more likely to get what they want. Manipulation means trying to control another person so they will do what you want because it benefits you. Firm boundaries are necessary to protect yourself from a manipulator. If you are not sure how to safely end a manipulative relationship, seek help from a counselor or a trusted friend, Gender- Based Violence. Violence against women particularly intimate partner violence and sexual violence is a major public and clinical health problem and a violation of women's human rights. It is rooted in and perpetuates gender inequalities. Globally 1 in 3 women experience physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime, mostly by an intimate partner. This is a stark reminder of the scale of gender inequality and discrimination against women. The prevalence of gender-based violence (GBV) in the Caribbean stands out in international comparisons. In 2019, five of the top twenty recorded rape rates worldwide were in the Caribbean. The United Nations defines violence against women as "any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual, or mental harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life." Intimate partner violence refers to behaviour by an intimate partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm, including physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse and controlling behaviours. The total cost of Violence against Women in Jamaica in 2018 was JMD 102 billion (or more than USD $ 1 billion). This represents 6.49 %of Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Strands of Masculinities. Understanding the various strands of masculinities helps to appreciate the diversity of male experiences and to challenge harmful stereotypes and norms. The interrogations of harmful stereotypes and norms as well as walking away from unhealthy relationships are critical tools in maintaining our mental health. We tend to forget that there are various stands of masculinity. Masculinities are diverse and can be understood through various "strands" or types, including hegemonic, complicit, subordinate, and marginalized, as well as concepts like performative and situational masculinities. These strands represent different ways men embody masculinity, and they can shift based on cultural context, social interactions, and individual experiences. Some women like the rugged, muscular deep voice men, while other women are not so detailed regarding the traits of a man. Manhood has become vulnerable. Being vulnerable has also taken on hostages. Some men are afraid to show their emotions. This to a great extent has to do with societal perception of men who are vulnerable. The negative labels are endless, you know them. At times it is easier to fit into the mold that has already been cast than to create your own mold and travel our own path. Sustainable Development. Sadly, the ideal surrounding respect is rapidly dying. As a result there is an urgent call to action to resuscitate ideals such as integrity, respect and justice in the society. In order to engender a culture supportive of sustainable development the society should reinforce a culture of respect. Such reinforcement can be activated through both traditional and non-traditional media. Do not become a puppet for anyone. You are beautifully and wonderfully made by God. Find your purpose in life. Life struggles are real and perhaps you may need to speak to someone. Several organizations in Jamaica offer support to survivors of gender-based violence. These include the Victim Services Branch of the Ministry of Justice, Woman Inc., Jamaicans for Justice, and Domestic Violence Intervention Centres located at police stations. Additionally, many churches offer counseling services. Wayne Campbell is an educator and social commentator with an interest in development policies as they affect culture and or gender issues. waykam@yahoo.com @WayneCamo ©