The Conditionality of Fatherhood
“It doesn’t matter who my
father was; it matters I remember who he was.”- Anne Sexton
The conditionality of fatherhood is ever present in most if not all societies. Each year Father’s Day is celebrated globally on the third Sunday in June. It is quite noticeable that the buzz surrounding what is an important day continues to diminish yearly. One might argue that Father’s Day is one of the best kept secrets. There are those who are determined to broad-brush all fathers as dead beat dads? However, we all know that there are good fathers in our families, communities, and indeed the wider society. Perhaps, your dad is a great father, yes! If this is so do not allow the section of the society which continues to place conditions on fatherhood to impact how you view your dad. Do not allow others to determine your relationship with your father. Do not give in to the negative and toxic utterances of fatherhood. Celebrate your dad! On the other hand, motherhood is celebrated without any reservations or conditions attached even though we are aware that not all mothers are up to par. It is interesting that although we live in a patriarchal society, Father’s Day celebrations seem to be an afterthought. Yesterday, as I stood in the line at the supermarket the lady in front of me engaged me briefly in conversation. She said, “oh, tomorrow is Father’s Day and I don’t know what to get my dad.” I replied, “it’s not too late. I added, “Father’s Day is not only about buying your dad a gift, I gave her some suggestions. “Why not cook dinner for your dad? “What about spending the day or part thereof with your dad.” Her facial expressions showed I had planted an idea and gave her a reason to think. Sadly, there is a prevailing view in the society that a good father is only one who is there financially. Many mothers try to prevent fathers and their children from having a productive relationship in instances where the man is unable to provide financially. Fatherhood goes deeper than finances at least it ought to be. It bares thought that more and more people in the society now view Father’s Day as a necessary inconvenience; and this is most troubling. We need to embrace, scaffold and celebrate positive and supportive fatherhood. This is especially critical given our past history of slavery and colonialization. To be a good father is a process. The trappings associated with the TransAtlantic Slave Trade runs deep in the DNA of Afro-Caribbean and African American men. We need to change the narrative which says, he is a good father, but. We also need to encourage those men in our communities who have challenges being a good father to work on becoming better. There are many men who are not biological fathers but they play the role of fathers in the lives of their children; those fathers should also be acknowledged. In order for us to have a better society we need to celebrate positive fatherhood. I pause to wish my own father, Fitzroy, a wonderful Father’s Day experience. Happy Father’s Day!
In the powerful words of Sigmund Freud, I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.
Wayne Campbell is an educator and social commentator with an interest in development
policies as they affect culture and/or gender issues.
@WayneCamo
#FathersDay
The conditionality of fatherhood is ever present in most if not all societies. Each year Father’s Day is celebrated globally on the third Sunday in June. It is quite noticeable that the buzz surrounding what is an important day continues to diminish yearly. One might argue that Father’s Day is one of the best kept secrets. There are those who are determined to broad-brush all fathers as dead beat dads? However, we all know that there are good fathers in our families, communities, and indeed the wider society. Perhaps, your dad is a great father, yes! If this is so do not allow the section of the society which continues to place conditions on fatherhood to impact how you view your dad. Do not allow others to determine your relationship with your father. Do not give in to the negative and toxic utterances of fatherhood. Celebrate your dad! On the other hand, motherhood is celebrated without any reservations or conditions attached even though we are aware that not all mothers are up to par. It is interesting that although we live in a patriarchal society, Father’s Day celebrations seem to be an afterthought. Yesterday, as I stood in the line at the supermarket the lady in front of me engaged me briefly in conversation. She said, “oh, tomorrow is Father’s Day and I don’t know what to get my dad.” I replied, “it’s not too late. I added, “Father’s Day is not only about buying your dad a gift, I gave her some suggestions. “Why not cook dinner for your dad? “What about spending the day or part thereof with your dad.” Her facial expressions showed I had planted an idea and gave her a reason to think. Sadly, there is a prevailing view in the society that a good father is only one who is there financially. Many mothers try to prevent fathers and their children from having a productive relationship in instances where the man is unable to provide financially. Fatherhood goes deeper than finances at least it ought to be. It bares thought that more and more people in the society now view Father’s Day as a necessary inconvenience; and this is most troubling. We need to embrace, scaffold and celebrate positive and supportive fatherhood. This is especially critical given our past history of slavery and colonialization. To be a good father is a process. The trappings associated with the TransAtlantic Slave Trade runs deep in the DNA of Afro-Caribbean and African American men. We need to change the narrative which says, he is a good father, but. We also need to encourage those men in our communities who have challenges being a good father to work on becoming better. There are many men who are not biological fathers but they play the role of fathers in the lives of their children; those fathers should also be acknowledged. In order for us to have a better society we need to celebrate positive fatherhood. I pause to wish my own father, Fitzroy, a wonderful Father’s Day experience. Happy Father’s Day!
In the powerful words of Sigmund Freud, I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.
Wayne Campbell is an educator and social commentator with an interest in development
policies as they affect culture and/or gender issues.
@WayneCamo
#FathersDay
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