Brotherhood and the Monster that Shackles

“We know that more than seventy to eighty per cent of women masturbate, and ninety per cent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.”- Joycelyn Elders We are socialized not to speak openly about certain issues. We are often told as youngsters it’s not polite to bring up specific topics. It does not help neither that sex education is not part of the curriculum. As a result what we have regarding sexuality and sex is a lot of misinformation oftentimes rooted in the street corner culture. The concept of brotherhood is not a frequently used term in the wider society. The more archaic word brethren is more popularly used in the Jamaican culture, especially among a specific social class. Perhaps it is out of fear or the inability to distinguish the terms homosexuality and homosociality, many men recoil from using brotherhood and instead use brethren to denote a non-sexual friendship and or mentorship. Brotherhood is the affection and loyalty that you feel for people with whom you have something in common. One’s sense of masculinity and manhood is often questioned if one admits to participating in self-gratification. Truth be told, both single and married males do indulge in self-gratification. Those who struggle in this area oftentimes find it challenging to reach out and or receive help due in part to the tabooed nature of the topic. Of course there will always be those individuals who do not think they are in need of help. As a result they will forcefully argue that nothing is wrong with the practice which has been around since the creation of mankind. Even in this age of globalization and modernity there is a veil of secrecy which attaches itself to the monster which keep many of us shackled. How many times have you heard the saying, 'stop backin yuh fist'? My colleague, Andrew, age 41 shared his thoughts, “one of my thing is that the more I gave in to these moments, the more I was hooked.” This being hooked which Andrew speaks of is the addictive nature of the practice. Andrew added that this was an added reason for him to keep revisiting those moments which undoubtedly provided another layer of shackle. Andrew who is involved in his church mentioned, “Whenever I speak, I try to define issues from a Biblical world view. The brotherhood that I speak of holds each person man (or woman) in high esteem despite socioeconomic status. It is the purposeful decision to make your neighbours’ well being as important as your own. Some may say why bother with this view point but I would say the issue is not with Biblical truths not working but that truths of the Bible has not been walked.” The reference to being shackled for many brings a negative connotation; an association is readily made to the Transatlantic Slave Trade and this cuts deeps, especially for those of African ancestry. Like most other addictions you become the slave to that which you are addicted to. Monster too has a negative implication and Andrew was asked to justify his use of the word monster in this regard. He added, “Monster does not refer to the fear factor of the issue because the truth is, the fears associated with the issue by most are being caught or being ridiculed because of it. It speaks to the magnitude of an ever increasing issue. The fact is many men would rather not go this route but are driven by primal instincts. We would rather have the world believe we have things under control.” Deuane shared his thoughts on the topic, “masturbation is just a part of the big issues of the sexual bondage monster.” He added that the issue of masturbation is a common issue most men have to deal with at sometime in their life. “It speaks to the component part of our sexual development. But also character development and this is the issue of self control. What we don’t control it controls us.” Deuane stated that the lure of self pleasure comes with its payload of guilt and can drive one into deeper and diverse sexual bondage. Married or single our settlement in our sexual identity is vital and equally important. It will impact our ego, he added. It bares thought that those who indulge in this ancient practice do not have things under control. Perhaps in revisiting the slavery analogy referenced earlier we can make a case that the bondage associated with slavery renders those in captivity not in control since in a slave/master relationship all power rests with the master. A slave is one who is subservient to another and or is controlled by another. Human Sexuality The definition of human sexuality differs according to the context in which the term is used, however, in simple terms human sexuality is the way by which we express our maleness and femaleness; in other words how we experience the erotic and express ourselves as sexual beings. Human sexuality some will argue is fluid. Masturbation is usually a solitary erotic experience. Interestingly, in some instances it’s not uncommon for guys to engage in communal masturbatory experiences during their adolescence years. Sexologist, Shere Hite, in her research stated that nearly 20 percent of men had engaged in group masturbation during adolescence. In some parts of the United States of America there are masturbation or jackoff clubs for men; undeniably, many of whom are thrill seekers who are into exhibitionism. Additionally, masturbation clubs are located in The Netherlands, England, Australia and Canada to name a few places. Some males view this communal experience as a Rite of Passage or male bonding. Masturbation or onanism is defined by WedMD an online publication as self-stimulation of the genitals to achieve sexual arousal and pleasure, usually to the point of orgasm (sexual climax). It is commonly done by touching, stroking, or massaging the penis clitoris until an orgasm is achieved. The article continues masturbation is a very common behavior, even among people who have a sex partner. In one national study, 95% of males and 89% of females reported that they have masturbated. Masturbation is the first sexual act experienced by most males and females. In young children, masturbation is a normal part of the growing child's exploration of his or her body. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so throughout their lives. In earlier centuries masturbation was viewed as a mental illness. Brief History Since the eighteenth century, masturbation had been viewed a medical problem. According to cultural historian Leonieke Vermeer, masturbation was a total disease. “People thought it caused consumption of the spine.” The campaign against masturbation started in 1712, with an anonymous pamphlet: ‘Onania, or the Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution.’ It was very common in earlier centuries for parents to instruct their children to keep diaries to monitor their behaviour, including their sexuality. In 1936, Leo Polack published his book Sexual Ethics in which he argued for freedom and autonomy of our own bodies. He stated, “And the lonely battle against it, with its sad defeats, is neither a disgraceful evil to be hidden, nor something sick, unhealthy, or abnormal.” It is widely believed that after the 1930’s masturbation began to lose its negative image. Vermeer stated that self-pollution became self-gratification; and the anti-masturbation belts were thrown out. In the nineteenth century, Jean-Etienne Esquirol, an eminent psychiatrist and physician-in-chief at the Salpêtrière Hospital in Paris, declared in his classification of mental disorders that masturbation is ‘recognized in all countries as a cause of insanity’, and it was not until as late as 1968 that it finally fell out of the American classification of mental disorders. In 1972, the American Medical Association pronounced it to be normal, but the guilt, shame, and stigma live on to this day. Andrew is of the opinion that there is an emptiness associated with such an orgasm; as compared to being with the opposite sex. However, what if the individual in question has never been with anyone? Andrew replied, “if that’s all the person knows there is no comparison point. This gets even more complex as we are entering an age where robots are now in the mix. This is still masturbation.” Sex robots are already in the mix and might soon be part of normal life for some people. In some instances it has already become normalized for those who can afford to purchase these devices. The flip side is that sex robots could desensitize humans to intimacy, compassion and empathy. These artificially intelligent sex dolls are gaining popularity in parts of North America and Europe. These sex dolls can go for thousands of dollars. In this midst of the COVID-19 pandemic the world has switched to a virtual mood. Not to be outdone many relationships have also gone in the virtual domain. Many people have turned to sexting and the sharing of sexually explicit photographs during this time of social and physical distancing due to the novel coronavirus. In Young Children According to the website, C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital Michigan Medicine, many parents are shocked to find their young children engaged in genital stimulation. The article stated in young children, genital stimulation is not associated with sexual activity. At this stage of development, the stimulation of the genitals are linked to self-exploration and curiosity. Genital stimulation is a part of normal childhood development and often takes the form of rubbing with hands. The article states that most children both boys and girls play with their sex organs fairly regularly by age 5-6 years. By age 15, almost 100 percent of boys and 25 percent of girls have masturbated to the point of orgasm. Based on the statistics every male has gone through or indulged in this experience. The Way Forward Deuane opined that there is not much spoken of directly on the topic in the Scriptures. “But if you trace the concept of purpose and intent of God, you can conclude that masturbation is a malfunction of an intended intercourse between a man and a woman. Two parties are to agree and come together; set in the context of marriage. The intended purpose of the sexual organ was meant to provide consensual pleasure and procreation.” According to Deuane, Masturbation mitigates against this natural process. “In addition any argument on the need for masturbation is weak as nocturnal emissions are nature’s way or release valve. We have to live balanced lives; incorporating healthy diet and lifestyle both mentally and physically is key.” Deuane also cautioned men regarding what they watch. “The things we entertain will also impact our thoughts and action. He was adamant in his words of advice, “if we sow we will certainly reap. Some men have not established healthy sexual identity and boundaries. Some feel sex is their tool for self-esteem and power over women.” He added, wounded men and disempowered concept play a role. He is of the view that those men who do not know better seek refuge from sex via masturbation. Andrew outlines the way forward from a life of living in shackles to freedom. “Condemnation is the problem and it does not come from God. It’s from us or those around us. The act is to be condemned because this monster becomes a master and you can only serve one master truly. But we need to have people know they the captives are set free through the power of Christ. But they cannot baby this thing and must reason to themselves the triggers, emotional or visual. Also we deceive ourselves and say we can handle things we truly cannot. These things will lead us back to the monster; quite frankly we need to learn to hate and see as our enemy. “ The issue of masturbation is a rather sticky one. It is not a matter of right or wrong. Unlike women who readily discuss matters of sex and sexuality with their sister friends, men on the other hand do not have the disposition to discuss such matters. The truth is many men do not analyze masturbation on a philosophical point of view; masturbation is usually the end result of a larger issue as highlighted by my colleagues. As a consequence men do not necessarily view themselves in shackles or being in bondage by the monster of masturbation. In the final analysis, whatever consumes a significant amount of your time becomes your master. In the words of Eric Hoffer, the individual who has to justify his existence by his own efforts is in eternal bondage to himself. Wayne Campbell is an educator and social commentator with an interest in development policies as they affect culture and or gender issues. waykam@yahoo.com @WayneCamo ©